As a woman we all know how BRUTAL it is to try on bathing suits. So my daughter (almost 6) went with me to try them on. I honestly don't know what is worse....her comments about my body while trying them on or her incredibly puzzled expression while analyzing my body.
Her commentary and my SILENT thoughts back at her included the following exchange:
- EMMA: Why do your breasts look like that?
- ME: 'Like what" I wondered but was afraid to ask.
- EMMA: Did I drink from your breasts...that is GROSS!
- ME: If I just ignore her, maybe she will stop discussing my breasts.
- EMMA: What are those spots on your back?
- ME: My thoughts back to her...Freckles and sun damage damn you!
- EMMA What are those purple thing on your leg mom?
- ME: Damn you and your twin brother for ruining my legs with pregnancy!!!!
- EMMA: That suit shows too much of your "breasties"
- ME: Dad would not object
- EMMA: Oh no mom, that one goes in the "NO Pile"
- ME: I would like to put you in the "no" pile kid.
- EMMA: That suit shows too much of your back and the spots on your back
- ME: Damn you! What the hell is wrong with my back??
- EMMA: Can we go now..just pick a suit mom. I am bored
- ME: Shut up!!! Why did I think I was doing a nice thing by bringing her along?
- EMMA: Mom, i want some icecream.
- ME: If I had ever refrained from so much icecream I would not be looking at this disastourous reflection
I now understand why one should go shopping alone. And if you are wondering if I did indeed buy a bathing suit...well I did. It is purple. All these years of black bathing suits and I am finally ready to admit that black is not slimming. Purple is not slimming either. Stopping drinking wine is probably slimming but that is out of the question. I officially look like that old cartoon character "Great Ape"
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