when do things get easier? why does one need to repeat the same command over and over again to get results? no wonder I lose my cool and then scream like the crazy neighbor lady we all had who used to yell at her kids from the porch. When do you not have to remind or ask 5 year olds to use the bathroom before leaving the house? I guess not for awhile.   When do you have to ask them IF they washed their hands after using the bathroom.  I guess not for awhile. 

Getting from the garage to inside of the house requires me to say "come inside" about 17 times.  We were watching the movie "Date Night" with Steve Carrell.  It is very average but has a few minor laughs.  One thing that was funny was when Steve Carrell asked his wife Tina Fey if she fanatisezed about being with other men.  She quickly responded that she only fantized about being alone to eat her lunch alone in a quiet room and quietly drink a diet sprite.  Well said!

my fantasies include shopping alone at Target and clean laundry.

first day of KG

i thought i was ready for the first day of KG.  I am not "that mom" who cries at things.  I guess I thought I was not that mom.  But when we walked up to the school and said a sign that said "Welcome Class of 2019"  I got immediately teared up.  I was lucky to have my oversized Target sunglasses on today!  I went into the classroom with Emma and Jack went into a different classroom with our son Jack.  This was done strategically because we knew that Jack would be getting upset when it was time to say goodbye.  Jack does not handle transition well.  I keep saying that Emma had already written her speech for KG class president while I knew Jack would cry.  Sure enough, after I said good bye to emma I went into jack's room.  When it was time to leave he immediately burst into tears and clung to me.  He cried and cried and begged me not to leave him there.  He also wanted to know when I would be returning.  He is going to have a very long first day....they are there all day for the first time.  Emma was great....she did hug me extra long when I said goodbye but she did not get teary.

Our version of Ground Zero

Ah the modern Mudroom......a supposed sanctuary of order and calm.  A place where everything has its place and order prevails....right?   WRONG. 

I have to tell my kids to put their shoes in their cubbies a minimum of 5 times. 

We all decend on the mudroom while trying to get out of the house.  So you can imagine the scene.....we are typically running late.  I am trying to brush someone's hair and yell at them to put socks on at the same time.  We keep toothbrushes and hairbrushes in this room for last minute grooming.....Martha Stewart I am not.  So we are all crammed in there and the kids can't keep their hands off of each other.   Someone is always pushing, teasing or crying.  So this of course gets my blood pressure boiling and I start yelling.  When we finally spill out of the door onto our side entrance we are almost always greeted by the sight of the neighbors whose side door also faces ours.  This couple is the nicest.....very calm, quiet and church going.  you know the type....It is the antithist of our family.  We are the "LOUD" Family not the Francis Family.  So undoubtedly they have heard all of our screaming from the closed door and then the continued screaming as the door opens.

Things I have to say about 19 times a day to each child:

Did you flush?
Did you wash your hands?
sit back down and finish your food.
stop being mean to your brother.
no Electronics at the table.
Go get dressed.
Go get dressed.
GO GET DRESSED!
Can you turn the volume down

all hell breaks loose in our mudroom.  It is the epicenter of our home .  Fights erupt, hair is pulled, siblings are teased and mom screams.

why it is hard to meet normal mom-friends

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7148143/

I have met many versions of this woman!!!  Very funny clip

housewives vs the cosmetic counter

I have officially hit a new low.  I have been running low on makeup.  You know you are in trouble when your beauty routine is comprised of a pony tail and barely any makeup.  Lets be serious here....I am no supermodel.  A pony tail and barely any makeup is not "adorable" on me....it is scary.  I used to be a real makeup whore.  I was a slave to those promotions where you spend something like $49 and get a whole bunch of freebies.  My drawers were full of options.  I had time to go into makeup counters and "play" with makeup.   I had different "looks" depending on what I was doing.  But since I have had kids the only I have time to "play" with are cars and trains.  So instead of picking out new looks I have been picking lipstick out of the tube with my fingernail.    It is no wonder that housewive's start to look a certain way.  I was walking around downtown chicago last week with the kids and all of a sudden I realized that I looked like one of those women that I used to pity when I was a working gal!

So when a magazine arrived recently it had various tiny foundation samples stuck under sticker like things on the page.  It was meant to peel away the sticker to get a sample color of the foundation.  Of course I spent the next week using this as my foundation even though the range of colors on the sticker page could not have been a worse match for my skin tone.  To make matters worse I then tore out the $2 coupon and took my three kids to Walgreen's where I selected the makeup in about three seconds flat.  The kids were two aisles away yelling about Silly Bandz  When I got into the car and applied my new $5 lipstick my daughter asked if I was going to a party.  It was 10am and sadly I had no party options.....

just living the dream........

sorry i cant figure out how to flip the video.  just a little glimpse into the wonderful world of a child.   It's not all puppies and rainbows!

One of my friends who I just love dearly told me today that her son called her BOOBFACE.  Of course she was embarrassed but how can you not be a little bit amused.  The hardest part of a situation like that is reprimanding the child without a smile on your face. 

We were driving in the car and my son noticed a birthmark on his twin sisters leg.  He asked what it was and I tried to explain what birth marks were.  She said that she had tried to scrub it off many times but it would not come off.  I explained that most people have a birthmark of some sort.   I then told them that our littlest guy also had a birthmark on his tummy.  When Jack heard this he asked where his was.  In an attempt to tease him I told him that it was on his backside or bottom as we call it.   I said that you have a big birthmark there but he could not see it because he could not turn around that way.  Instead of being mortified he was JOYFUL and said "Oh yeah!!!!!!!  I have a birthmark on my butt.....HOORAY!

The Traveling World Of Reptiles

We celebrated Jack and Emma's 6th birthday with the "Traveling World of Reptiles" coming to our house.  It was really fabulous.  I don't have any funny stories from the day...my face just hurt from smiling and laughing the whole time at the very entertaining guy who was doing the show and seeing the reaction of the kids to the reptiles. 

last year we did a princess party.....this year we did snakes....oh my how thing change quickly

bathing suit shopping

As a woman we all know how BRUTAL it is to try on bathing suits.  So my daughter (almost 6) went with me to try them on.  I honestly don't know what is worse....her comments about my body while trying them on or her incredibly puzzled expression while analyzing my body. 

 

Her commentary  and my SILENT thoughts back at her included the following exchange:

 

• EMMA:  Why do your breasts look like that? 
• ME:  'Like what" I wondered but was afraid to ask.

 

• EMMA: Did I drink from your breasts...that is GROSS! 
• ME:  If I just ignore her, maybe she will stop discussing my breasts.

• EMMA:  What are those spots on your back? 
• ME:  My thoughts back to her...Freckles and sun damage damn you!

• EMMA What are those purple thing on your leg mom? 
• ME:  Damn you and your twin brother for ruining my legs with pregnancy!!!! 

• EMMA: That suit shows too much of your "breasties"
• ME:  Dad would not object

 

• EMMA:  Oh no mom, that one goes in the "NO Pile"
• ME:  I would like to put you in the "no" pile kid. 

 

• EMMA: That suit shows too much of your back and the spots on your back
• ME:  Damn you!  What the hell is wrong with my back??

• EMMA:  Can we go now..just pick a suit mom.  I am bored
• ME:  Shut up!!! Why did I think I was doing a nice thing by bringing her along?

• EMMA:  Mom, i want some icecream.
• ME:  If I had ever refrained from so much icecream I would not be looking at this disastourous reflection

 

I now understand why one should go shopping alone.   And if you are wondering if I did indeed buy a bathing suit...well I did.  It is purple.  All these years of black bathing suits and I am finally ready to admit that black is not slimming.  Purple is not slimming either.  Stopping drinking wine is probably slimming but that is out of the question.  I officially look like that old cartoon character "Great Ape"